Has your teacher or professor ever marked your sentences as “awkward,” “verbose,” or “wordy,” or “redundant,” or something to that effect?
If so, then the grade you received definitely suffered. Use the techniques I’m about to show you to avoid these annoying notes that keep you from getting excellent grades.
Let’s dive right in and start with the first technique.
1. Sentence Cleanup
Use this technique over and over while proofreading and editing your next essay, and you’ll improve your grade by a full letter. I call this technique Sentence Cleanup.
Basically, it involves getting rid of all the fluff in order to end up with a clean and to-the-point sentence.
It usually means making the sentence shorter by cutting out unnecessary words. Here are the two steps of the Clean Up formula:
Step 1. Ask yourself this question: “Can I cut out one or more words from this sentence without it losing its meaning?”
Step 2. Simply keep repeating Step 1 until the sentence can no longer be shortened without losing its meaning.
Let’s do an example:
“Many people say that when childhood finishes, problems begin to exist.”
Can we clean this one up? We can make this sentence sound like it was written by a more seasoned writer.
What if we cross out the last two words?
“Many people say that when childhood finishes, problems begin to exist.”
All we did was remove two words (“to exist”). Has the sentence lost its meaning? No. And if you read both versions again, you will see that the sentence has become more elegant, direct, and mature.
This is the power of Sentence Cleanup.
Let’s do another example:
“I am someone who is dedicated and determined to be a success in this field for which I have developed a keen interest.”
This sentence is grammatically correct and is something an intelligent person would say.
But what about the author’s personality? Well, the author comes across as a bit weak because wordy sentences are less direct.
Let’s perform a Sentence Cleanup on this sentence:
“I am someone who is dedicated and determined to be a success in this field for which I have developed a keen interest.”
Do you see how the sentence changed? We just crossed out three words and made the sentence more direct.
And the speaker now appears more confident. Read the sentence aloud before and after the change and you’ll hear the difference.
Do you see why? It is because the speaker is:
- No longer “someone who is dedicated,” but is dedicated.
- No longer “someone who is determined to be a success,” but is determined to be a success.
- No longer “someone who is,” but simply is and does.
If you get into the habit of using Sentence Cleanup every time you proofread or edit your essay, you’ll start to consistently get higher grades while earning the respect of your instructors.
2. Eliminate Repetition
You can improve your sentence structure significantly just by not repeating yourself.
Remember, redundancy kills your style and your grade.
Now, what is redundancy? Redundancy is simply needless repetition of some kind.
In a sentence, that’s when you repeat words. Sometimes you repeat exactly the same words, and other times you repeat an idea by using a synonym.
Let’s do an example:
“She was a complete total stranger to Bryant Park.”
Step 1: Can we cut out a repetitive word from this sentence? Let’s try. How about this:
“She was a complete total stranger to Bryant Park.”
This is better. We just cut out a word, and the meaning is still the same. We have improved the sentence. How do we know that?
Well, what’s the difference between a complete total stranger and a total stranger? If you’re like me, you see no difference except redundancy.
“Complete” and “Total” are synonyms and should not be used together.
Let’s do Step 2:
Step 2: Repeat Step 1 and see if any more repetitive words can be cut out.
“She was a total stranger to Bryant Park.”
Okay – we’ve just cut out another word that is also redundant! Did the sentence lose its meaning? Well, let’s see.
What’s the difference between a total stranger and a stranger? It is impossible to be a stranger only a little or a lot. You’re either a stranger or not. And so, the sentence has lost another word but still stands.
Can we cut anything else out? Let’s read the sentence one more time:
“She was a stranger to Bryant Park.”
No more redundancies here. Notice how elegant the sentence has become. Now it reads like it could have come from a good novel or a great essay.
Let’s do another example:
“A quality improvement plan needs to be continuously used and continuously adapted all the time.”
What strikes you right away in the sentence?
Well, the word “continuously” is used twice. This repetition is easy to spot and get rid of. Let’s do it:
“A quality improvement plan needs to be continuously used and continuously adapted all the time.”
See how much better the sentence is, how much more elegant?
Now, is there anything else that we can do in this sentence?
Well, I say – yes.
Let’s take a look at the phrase “all the time.” How different is it from the word “continuously?” Is it pretty much the same thing?
Well, at least in this sentence, it’s exactly the same thing.
Let’s see if we can eliminate this phrase, as well.
And here is the end result:
“A quality improvement plan needs to be continuously used and adapted.”
Wow! That’s just a much better sentence.
Let’s compare the two versions:
Version 1: “A quality improvement plan needs to be continuously used and continuously adapted all the time.”
Version 2: “A quality improvement plan needs to be continuously used and adapted.”
See how much more elegant and beautiful it is? It’s more succinct and direct, and that makes it so much better!
Here is a detailed video I created on this example, if you are a visual learner:
3. Use the Active Voice
Using the active voice is almost always better than using the passive voice. To illustrate, let’s just use the example from the previous technique.
We improved a sentence by shortening it, and now we have this result:
“A quality improvement plan needs to be continuously used and adapted.”
It is grammatically correct. It is more elegant. But there is still one problem with it. It uses the passive voice.
The passive voice is when something is done to something.
The active voice is when something does something.
See the difference?
How can we turn this sentence around and use the active voice in it? Well, we don’t know who is using and adapting the improvement plan.
But we can simply deduce that it would probably be someone from the management. And now we rewrite the sentence with someone doing the using and adapting:
“Managers should continuously use and adapt a quality improvement plan.”
Let’s do a simpler example:
“Johnny was bitten by the dog.”
Here, we know exactly who the doer is. It’s the dog. So, it’s really easy for us to flip the sentence into the active voice:
“The dog bit Johnny.”
By using the active voice, you give power to your sentences. And readers and graders appreciate it.
4. Get Rid of the Word “You”
When you use the word “you,” you address the reader directly. While this is fine in fiction or a blog article, this is usually a no-no in an academic essay.
But there’s another problem with using this word as a crutch, as I’m about to show you.
Let’s take a look at this example:
“You have to be able to have some feedback from a consumer.”
Here’s the less obvious problem with this sentence.
“You” in the sentence is presented as the subject. However, there’s a real subject in the sentence, and it’s not “you.”
Here are the steps to get rid of “You” and focus on the real subject:
Step 1. Find the real subject.
In this sentence, the real subject is not “you.”
The real subject is “feedback from a consumer.”
Because that’s what the sentence is really about – it’s about feedback from the consumer, not about “you.”
Step 2. Put the real subject up front.
We’ll just take “feedback from a consumer” and place it in the beginning of the sentence.
Learn how to begin your sentences with the real subject. This practice alone will eliminate most potential mistakes in your sentence structure.
And this is what we have now:
“Feedback from a consumer, you have to be able to have some.”
Okay, it’s a funny-sounding sentence, but we’re not done yet.
Step 3. Delete the word “you.”
And here’s what we have:
“Feedback from a consumer have to be able to have some.”
Okay, it’s still a very funny-sounding sentence, but we’re not done yet.
Step 4. Find a better way to say it.
What is the writer really trying to say?
The writer is really trying to say that feedback from a consumer really must be had. We must have it. End of story.
So what is a better way to say that in English?
Well, how about:
“Feedback from the consumer is necessary.”
It’s a much shorter sentence, and notice how much more elegant it is. And it’s just better English.
Let’s compare our versions of the sentence:
Version 1: “You have to be able to have some feedback from a consumer.”
Version 2: “Feedback from a consumer is necessary.”
We have removed the word “you.” We started the sentence with the real subject. And, as a result, we have much better sentence structure.
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
“Tutor Phil, in my original sentence, I had 12 words. And the way you’re teaching me to do it, now I have 6 words. We just cut my word count in half.
But I need words because my professor wants 1,000 words in this essay. And if I keep doing what you’re teaching me, I’m going to keep coming up with half of the content!”
I totally understand your concern. But let me tell you – you won’t get better grades by writing long, fluffy sentences. Just don’t do that.
There are much better ways to add words to your essay when you need to expand. In fact, I have created a nice, short report on how to add 300 quality words to any essay in 15 minutes, and you can download it on this page.
Also, here is a detailed video I created on this example, in case you like videos:
Let’s look at another powerful way to improve your sentence structure.
5. Get Rid of the Phrase “The Fact That…”
I see the phrase “the fact that” used everywhere – in speech and in writing. But is it a good idea to use it?
Not really. When you use “the fact that” in a sentence, you really don’t refer to that fact. You are actually talking about something else – the thing or event that this “fact” is referring to.
So, instead of saying, “the fact that,” just state the actual thing you’re talking about.
Let’s look at an example.
“The fact that Britain voted to leave the European Union sent shockwaves across Europe.”
What’s wrong with this sentence?
Well, what is this fact that the writer is referring to? It is the fact that Britain voted to leave the European Union.
But what is this fact in reality? In reality, it is simply “Britain’s vote to leave the European Union.”
So, if we get rid of “the fact that,” we get this much more articulate sentence:
“Britain’s vote to leave the European Union sent shockwaves across Europe.”
Let’s compare the two sentences and try to hear the difference:
Here’s the original:
“The fact that Britain voted to leave the European Union sent shockwaves across Europe.”
And here’s the shorter, better version:
“Britain’s vote to leave the European Union sent shockwaves across Europe.”
The main difference here is that in the first sentence, the Subject is “the fact,” while in the second sentence, the Subject is what it should be – meaning, Britain’s vote.
What is the sentence really about – the fact or the vote? Of course it’s about the vote. Therefore, it is much better to make the vote the subject of the sentence.
Let’s do another example:
“The fact that the summer was very hot made them reconsider staying in town.”
First, let’s get rid of the “fact that.” What is the fact that the summer was hot? Well, it is simply the hot summer.
How is the fact that the summer was hot different from the hot summer? Well, it’s not. It’s one and the same.
Let’s rewrite the sentence:
“The hot summer made them reconsider staying in town.”
And by the way, how could we make this sentence not only more articulate but more elegant?
Watch:
“The hot summer made them leave town.”
By avoiding the use of “the fact that,” you sound more direct, articulate, and even eloquent. And you’ll easily spot opportunities to make your sentences more elegant, as well.
Here is a detailed video I created on this example, if you like video lessons:
6. Get Rid of “There Is” / “There Are”
Many students want to know how to use “there is” and “there are.” But you should really ask, is it a good idea to use these phrases in your writing at all.
It’s okay to use these phrases sparingly, even rarely. But for the most part, they just ruin the quality of your sentence structure.
Let’s do an example:
“There are many people who want to lose weight.”
We have the same problem here as we did when we used the word “you” and the phrase “the fact that.”
In this sentence, “there” is the Subject, and “are” is the verb.
But what are the real subject and verb in this sentence? In other words, what or whom is the sentence really about?
It’s about “many people,” of course. And what about them? They want to lose weight.
So, why don’t we rewrite the sentence by talking about the real subject and verb? We’ll start the sentence with the real subject, and the rest will fall into place:
“Many people want to lose weight.”
See how much more elegant this sentence is? Again, just start your sentences with the real subject, and that will improve your essay writing tremendously.
Enjoy this detailed video I created on this example:
Hope this was helpful.
We’ll do more examples on this blog – just stay tuned. And don’t hesitate to post comments if you have any questions!